redefining what it means to be bad at something

One theme that often comes up in e-mails, comments, and messages from blog readers and social media followers is being good at something.  I get all sorts of comments in that vein…  I’m not good at that.  I can’t do that.  I’m bad at that.  Is there anything you’re not good at?  That last question always makes me smile because, of course, I’m bad at a lot of things.  My typical answer is always “plenty.”  I just don’t write about those on the blog, make tutorials about them, or share about things totally out of my scope of abilities on social media.  Sharing my failures is very different than sharing something I’m bad at.  Sharing something I’m learning and growing in is also different than sharing something I’m bad at.

I’ve actually given this a lot of thought, mostly in how I can offer encouragement to those who struggle to have a can-do attitude, for those who find it hard to be a beginner, and for those who are crushingly self-critical.  And, as I was thinking through this topic, I decided I needed to define the idea of being bad at something and, if I may be so bold, offer a new “rule” or criteria of what has to happen before anyone can say they are bad at anything.

Here’s my rule –

I, you, we…cannot say we are bad at something until we’ve tried it several times.  I’m not sure how many several needs to be because it might depend on the situation, but you can’t try something once or twice and then declare that you’re bad at it.

Case in point – I am bad at parking.  I have been driving and parking for 30 years so I can fairly say I’m not good at it.  I do try, but if you end up parked next to a white minivan that is crooked, on the line, pulled up too far, or hanging out in the aisle, I’m sorry.  It’s probably me and I’m just not good at parking.

Second case in point – I’m terrible at throwing things and it got even worse after my shoulder surgery.  I have poor aim and poor power and I’ve tried to throw many, many things,  many, many times and I’m still bad at it.  You don’t want me on your dodgeball team or as your quarterback and I’m saying that without being unfair to myself.

Third case in point –  In the past, I have declared that I am not a “canvas” artist and that declaration came from painting on about four canvases.  The truth is, I wasn’t bad at it.  I was just a beginner and I needed time to learn and paint on over 100 canvases until I could fairly judge my talent or lack thereof.  After 100 paintings, I saw improvement and potential.  I decided to stick with it not only because of the possibilities but because I really enjoyed it.

Fourth case in point – I have also labeled myself as “not a gardener” on this very blog over a decade ago.  The truth is, I had just never really gardened.  I grew up in military apartments and, once we did live in a house, I never worked with my mom in the yard.  I don’t have any memories attached to gardening and I didn’t have anyone teaching me how to do it along the way.  As a young adult, I lived in apartments, then a condo, and then in our first single-family home in PA where I decided, after weeding once and the weeds came back, that I wasn’t good at it.  Again, I just needed (and still need) time to be a beginner, to gain experience, and to learn from people who are good gardeners.

So, if you’re someone who has always imagined yourself doing something, but you limit yourself because of a narrative you’ve embraced, I want to encourage you to change your perspective.  Yes, there are things we are genuinely bad at, but there are likely many more things we haven’t genuinely tried.

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